WalMart HELL
by Yukito-sama
Summary: WMH2: The various anime villans are finally being put to work! Now Chii can't find Hideki's magazine but her new friend will help her. And what happened to the store manager?
1. Why Are You Here?

Author's Note: This story was written by my friend Monkey Boy. Since he's lazy and won't get an account of his own I decided to steal his work(is it stealing if he knows about this?) and put it up for everyone to read. ^__^ Be amazed at the odd things and how much he doesn't like Chii.  
  
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Gendo and Fuma are sitting around in hell or where ever it is that anime bad guys go when they are ultimately defeated, maybe Wal-Mart. They are generally being nice and agreeable to each other, which you might think odd but for the fact that they both failed in their evils goals and are now spending time in Wal-Mart. Actually Wal-Mart wouldn't have been so bad for them, due to the friendly greeters and such, but after hearing sale announcements for years even the most patient person would go crazy. Yes spending years in a Wal-Mart, not a super Wal-Mart mind you, just one of the small ones with no food, has worn them down. . . besides they like the elderly greeter people.  
  
As they are talking a lone figure makes its way past the friendly Wal-Mart greeters, who at this time suffer a sudden, unexplained chill down their backs. The decidly petite female figure, identified thanks to the more lecherous of the greeters, continues on its way towards the figures of Gendo and Fuma, who have been noticed playing bridge on Thursday mornings. Upon reaching the talking figures of Gendo and Fuma the unknown female proceeds to ask a question in all seriousness and obliviousness, "Where is Chii?"  
  
Obviously this question caused quite a stir among the two people asked. I mean you would think it would be obvious where they where due to the evil emanating from the Martha Stuart collection, but also for the thought that Chii would end up in anime villain hell, a.k.a. Wal-Mart.  
  
At this point Gendo, assuming a self appointed leadership role, asked the all important question that all where beginning to wonder about, "Why in the world would the brain damaged robot computer thing from Chobits end up down here?"  
  
The only response he received was "Chii don't know" from Chii herself.  
  
Not getting the answer he was looking for Gendo began again, "Listen here jail bait, this is Wal-Mart and only anime villains end up here. I believe heroes have their own island in the Bahamas somewhere and the 'other' characters I think have a motel on the side of I-90 to stay at. I think you, my dear, missed the motel by a few miles."  
  
"The last thing Chii remembers was walking in the doors and seeing smiling old people," replied Chii, all the while oblivious as a day old baby.  
  
This just aggravated Gendo more, "How could you be an anime villain? I set about to take down God himself, I made large fighting robot things just to torture people, I even managed to kill off most of humanity..."  
  
At this point Fuma interrupted Gendo, "Oh give it a rest, you crazy Amish you. We all know about your plan since you like to tell us about it at least once a day. Man! Sometimes you are worse about it then the fans of your show. Besides I came so close to the same thing myself."  
  
"Yeah till you where stopped by your 'friend'" commented Gendo while making quoting motions with his hands, "pansy"  
  
"What was that Gendo?! At least I did something, you just sat around in that pose of yours." Fuma fumed. At this time other villains had begun to make their way towards the growing commotion.  
  
The argument preceded on the topic of pansies, length of time in the anime just spent sitting in a chair, and something was vaguely heard about one or the other being a magical wish granting fairy man. After sometime Chii began to randomly point at things and call them Hideki. (Why? Don't ask me I am just the author, I don't even begin to ponder what could go on in her empty expanse of a brain.)  
  
Due to Chii's sudden actions the argument had stopped and every one was beginning to back away in fear that either her head would start spinning or that they had in some way released a great evil upon themselves, or at the very least something slightly itchy.  
  
Then, as suddenly as it had started the pointing and the saying of Hideki stopped. By this time everyone was really perplexed and wondering what they had done to deserve this. When suddenly Chii began, what they all decided later must be what sent her to Wal-Mart, a deep bunny introspective. As Chii was replaced by a bunny character and the background became cartoonish, every person who had been in the area ran for their lives. Many headed for the pillow isle, while others opted for the stuffed animals in the toy section, all in an effort to shield themselves with something soft and comfy from the coming evil. 


	2. Employee Discount

_Well, here is the second installment of Wal-Mart Hell. Took me long enough to write it and get up here, and yes, I did write this one. If any other fan would like to write an installment just let me know and I'll probably say yes!_

_Yuki-san_

**Wal-Mart Hell 2: Employee Discount**

It's been about a month since Chii first arrived in 'hell' and she, somehow, managed to stay within the store. The other villains tried to coax the poor little creature out of the store, by throwing candy and other things out the doors, but Chii just wouldn't comply. Fuma and Gendo, though, always managed stay as far away from Chii as they could, but it was getting harder and harder these days. Of course, though, these things were about to change.

"All anime villains to Customer Service, all anime villains to Customer Service."

Fuma stared at the ceiling, as if it was the person talking. Gendo shook his head and followed the mass of villains towards Customer Service; Fuma shortly followed. Now there are a lot of animes, mind you, and there has to be a villain in just about all of them so you could imagine how crowded the Customer Service area was. Villains of every race, sex, size, etc. crammed into the small area and they all wondered why they were called here (some proclaiming this a bit more loudly then others).

Two Wal-Mart employees suddenly appeared and climbed on to the counter so everyone could see them. "May I have your attention?" the female said. She looked overly perky and her blonde hair was pulled back into an ever annoying pony tail. A stalled hush fell over the group of villains. "Sooooo how is every one?"

"You suck." The crowd giggled. Yes, they giggled. Can you imagine a room full of, mostly, creepy men giggling? Scary, ain't it?

The girl cleared her throat. "Anyway, my name is Amanda and this is the store manager, Eric." All eyes turned to Eric. He seemed to be only nineteen and a little too lanky for his own good. His black hair was shaggy and his eyes looked vacant, and it looked like he didn't want to be here just as much as the villains.

"He's the store manager?" Zoisite quipped. (yes, even Sailor Moon villains go to hell) "He's barely out of high school."

"Shut up, queer bait." The villains giggled.

"Quiet down." Eric yelled. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "Now, considering this is Wal-Mart/Anime Villain Hell, and there is an ever growing number of anime, the big guys down at HQ decided that everyone will be put to work so you can earn your keep." The crowd groaned. "Now, now, you'll have food and shelter, along with an endless supply of household goods. When I call your name, grab a name tag, your little blue apron thing, and receive your duties."

One by one names were called and the villains began to file out. Now, our three main characters were the last ones remaining. Eric and Amanda climbed down from the counter and looked at the three; Gendo and Fuma stared back while Chii just stared into nothingness. "You're the last ones, huh?" They nodded.

Eric sighed and pointed at Fuma. "You'll work in the toy department."

"What? Why must I work with the fluffy things?" Fuma groaned as he wandered away.

"Gendo will. . . ."

"Dominate the world!" Gendo laughed.

"Um, no. You'll work in the music department. I've been told to keep you away from desks and power tools." Eric replied.

"Drat."

Chii looked at Amanda, who shuddered. "What about Chii?"

Eric cocked an eyebrow. "I was told to keep her away from underwear so...just have her keep an eye on books and stuff."

And thus, the villains were put to work.

**3 days later...**

The doors opened and a young high school student walked into Wal-Mart. The Greeter of the day, Alan Gabriel of Big O, looked at the girl and let out the most feminine scream you've ever heard. The girl just stared at the running mad man before wandering down the aisle.

Chii stared vacantly at the rack of magazines, standing a little too close to a customer for her own good. The man kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, twitching ever so slightly. Chii suddenly pointed at the magazines, "They don't have Hideki's magazines." The customer looked at Chii and cautiously took a step back before turning and sprinting down the aisle. "Where are Hideki's magazines?"

"Gosh he sure does run funny." The blonde persacom turned and faced the owner of the voice. The high school girl smiled, her vacant stare meeting Chii's. "My names Osaka! Have we met before?"

"Chii doesn't think so." Chii replied. She looked back at the magazine rack and sighed. "Chii needs help."

"What for?" Osaka asked, following the blonde's gaze.

"Chii can't find Hideki's magazine."

Osaka blinked. "You do know that talking in the third person is a sign that you're goin' crazy." Chii stared blankly at Osaka. "Never mind. Now, what does Hideki's magazine look like?"

"It has pretty girls on the front." Chii replied. "Hideki says it's a game."

"A game, huh?" Osaka nodded. "I know! Let's go to the toy department; they have games there."

"But Chii isn't supposed to leave her area."

"No-one will care. Come on!" Taking Chii by the hand Osaka led her towards the toys.

Fuma stared helplessly at the toys in front of him. Everything was thrown out of order thanks to a sudden mob of children running through. He kicked one of the Barbies violently. He followed it with his eyes, feeling his heart drop when the box stopped at the feet of Chii and a dark haired girl. "My God! Are they multiplying?" Fuma screamed, noting the same vacant look in their eyes. "Chii, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for Hideki's magazine." Chii replied.

"And I'm here to help!" Osaka said happily. "She said it's like a game...kinda like Twister, right Chii?" Chii nodded.

Fuma blinked and tried to hold back his giggling. "I don't think Wal-Mart carries that type of magazine. This is a family store, ya know."

"Oooo, what's this?" Osaka turned, holding up a Tickle Me Elmo.

"God, put that thing down." Fuma cried.

Osaka turned the demon toy every which way before squeezing it, sending the red fluff ball into a fit of giggles. "Wow! This thing sure is weird. And look, there's more!"

"Good God, I thought I torched all of them." Fuma looked around, desperately trying to find something to grab Osaka's attention, but it was too late. Chii and Osaka were running around, pressing the Tickle Me Elmos until all you could hear was their hideous laughter filling the air. "Some on kill me now." Fuma whimpered. "Ow!" Fuma suddenly noticed that it was raining Tickle Me Elmos. "Dear mother of God! Shelter, my kingdom for shelter." Fuma suddenly dove into a pile of bouncy balls, shuddering and whimpering like a puppy.

"Awe man, there goes my new friend." Osaka sighed. "Oh well. What were we looking for again, Chii?"

Chii looked at the toys and then Osaka; she shrugged. "Chii doesn't remember. Maybe the glasses man might know."

"Glasses man, huh? Lead the way!"

"What in God's name are you doing? I thought I told you not to change the station?" Amanda cried.

Gendo looked at his manager and sighed. "But listening to classical music is good for the mind."

Amanda reached into her pocket and pulled out a tape, chucking it at Gendo's forehead. "Yes, but not when you put subliminal messages in it. Why do you need to raise an army to take over the world?"

"Because I'm an evil bastard and I want to go up to God do this." Gendo stuck his tongue and began to wiggle around like a ten year old child. "Ha ha, I destroyed you. I'm better then God, nyaha."

"Get to work." Amanda spat as she left.

"Glasses man?"

Gendo twitched (just about every villain in Wal-Mart twitches I suppose) and turned around sharply. Chii stood before him, as did Osaka. The two looked at him with similar expressions, but Osaka was smiling ever so slightly. "Chii, dear, what did I tell you yesterday?"

Chii blinked. "That Chii shouldn't call you glasses man."

"And?"

"And that Chii should stay as far away from you or face the fiery wraith of the world's future overlord."

Gendo smiled. "That's right. If you weren't such a wack job and you didn't remind me of Satan, I'd like a little more.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" Osaka asked.

"What?" Gendo barked, rounding on the school girl. He froze, noticing a large butcher knife in the girl's hand. "Why do you have that?"

Osaka didn't seem to hear him and was more focused on the video games. She pointed at the glass, using the butcher knife of course. "Hey Mister, can I get that game? I've always wanted to get The Sims for my PS2."

"As long as you take the demon spawn with you, I don't care." Gendo got the game for Osaka and rang it up. "Okay, that'll be fifty bucks."

Osaka rummaged through her pocket and pulled out a card. "That ain't right. Don't I still get my discount?"

"Discount? What discount?" Gendo asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Look." Osaka presented the card to Gendo. "I'm a store manager now."

Gendo's mouth fell open. "Um...I think I should talk to Eric about this."

"You can't do that." Osaka smiled. "Eric quit; I'm your new manager." Osaka waved the knife around. "Now, I need my discount. I wanna go home and see how I can kill those little critters."

As Gendo punched in his code he felt something deep inside him die.

The End?


End file.
